i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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