now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
