i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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