My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
