Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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