I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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