oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
