My cat gives me a boner
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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