can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
