We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
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