do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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