If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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