i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
