Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
