I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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