At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
