Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
