hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
