If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
