i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
