So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize