You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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