when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
