Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
All the doctor said was why
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
