So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
