take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
