Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
