I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
