Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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