Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
