i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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