Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
