Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
