please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
