Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
