I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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