Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
