mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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