just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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