Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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