we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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