whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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