im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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