aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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