I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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