thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
