Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
