let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize