dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
