me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
