I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
