i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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