this just has baby written all over it
I just gift wrapped bread.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
