I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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