Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
