dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
