The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
