I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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