That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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