i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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