I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
